Flowers Or Pigs? You Decide.


Valentine’s Day is really not that big of a deal.

As long as you get me chocolates and roses and organise a romantic meal, k?

You didn’t? It’s ok, I was just joking. Continue reading


“…in the end, your lid won’t fit anyway”


In a former life I was a petite and dainty lady with super slim fingers, I think. Not creepy long and skinny ones but the kind that look really nice with rings on and get hired for cream adverts (or whatever you hire lovely hands for). And in that life I was really well off due to all the adverts I was being hired for. So when I died, life was like “It’s not really fair if we give her teeny hands again next time around. I know, let’s give her THE BIGGEST LADY HANDS EVER instead”. And it’s because of this Karmatic (is that a thing?) Hand Justice that I nearly fell into The Sanguine Hole last night. Continue reading

The ‘Incomplete Project’ Project


My parents are both pretty creative people – a trait I am proud to say passed on to me. My Mum spends her weekends sewing quilts, painting walls and making fancy dress outfits for my nephews. My Dad fixes up his motorbikes, hand-makes wooden cheeseboards and lays carpet in our jigsawy (call Oxford, there’s a new adjective for the dictionary) house. They also FINISH these things – a trait which I have unfortunately NOT been blessed to receive. Continue reading

A Case Of IGS*


*Imaginary Guilt Syndrome. I did warn you about these ‘conditions‘. I’m pretty sure this is a real one though and will be discovered soon. It’s like that time I told everyone that certain noises make me want to shove my head in a bucket of water or punch somebody and they laughed and they laughed and then BOOP – here’s Mysophonia. (That’s a real condition which causes the previously described behaviour. I didn’t invent it. Trust me, it’s Google-able). Continue reading

Sanguine Me


It’s official. I have been boxed. Finally, I have a label. Do I want a label? I’m not sure, but anything that could potentially help me understand what the heck goes on in my head nugget, aka brain, is handy. According to my personality book – which I was advised to purchase following another apocalyptic meltdown and flare up of DDS (Down in the Dumps Syndrome) – I am a Sanguine. I am Sanguine? I have Sanguine? Anyway, that’s me! Continue reading



Hello there humanlings.

(Humanlings makes us sound like pets. I imagine us tiny, with no bones, just squidging around and trying to high-five with our floppy limbs and there’s some giant creature sitting in a room in another galaxy far, far away laughing it’s head off – not literally cus then we’d be extinct – every time someone gets a smack in the face.) Continue reading